The Gusband Diaries

Anonymous asked: Are all gays this cool?

Are all straights this oblivious?

And, no. Not all gays are THIS cool. It’s just like in the straight world - some try to be cool but only a few actually succeed (it’s like 10% or something). Those of us who are “that cool” get inducted to the Secret Society of Cool (SSC). Membership includes a club card, sticker, and t-shirt that says: “I Attempted Cool and I Succeeded”. We also receive discounts all around town. I never pay full price for donuts. Ever.  ;)

My mom was backing out of a parking space and these two angry lesbians in the car next us, cut her off and blocked our car. They then proceeded to look at us an laugh and then flip us off.

Why? For what? Just to be mean? Is this how they earn points toward their Angry Lesbians Alliance Club? 

WTFIWWP? (What the f**k is wrong with people?)

Anonymous asked: What is the gayest thing you have ever been exposed to?

This question.

• Charisma
• Uniqueness
• Nerve
• Talent

“And, remember, if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an “AMEN!” up in herre?” - Ru Paul

…guys on dating websites for a moment. Please.

Now, I am referring to gay dating websites, but I am sure the ladies out there might share similar moments of frustration. I just don’t get guys on dating websites. I get that the internet gives you this loose power to feel all high & mighty, but there should still be some form of etiquette and manners. I mean, where has all that gone? Where? I ‘m looking for it but can’t find an ounce. 

Just because this wonderful place called the internet gives you a certain amount of anonymity does not give you the right to act like a complete douche bag jerk face. Yes, I am talking to you guy! I’m talking to you who is:

• rude
• obnoxious
• judgmental
• egotistical

Because I guarantee in real life you are just as lost and scared and hopeless as the rest of us. Being on the internet gives you some sort of ego boost because you have that power in your finger to click a button and type words that you would never really say if you met someone in person. It basically gives you the power to be a dick head. 

Is that really a power you want to wield?

Just remember, dick head: Every power has a drawback.

You know what the draw back to being a dick head is? You don’t find love. True - you might have meaningless sex for the rest of your life. But, it will always be meaningless and you will grow old alone and be lonely and sitting on a porch with fifty cats wishing you would have been polite and well-mannered so that you could find a good guy instead of another dick head for a quick fuck.

Think about it, guy. Think about it.

Anonymous asked: Where can we see pics of Gusband? What does Gusband look like? He loves mustaches so much. Does he have one? Is Gusband single?

First, thank you for referring to me in the third person. I feel special.

Second, see the pic in the far right corner…the tiny icon in my About Me section…the guy with the awesome mustachio…that’s me….and yes, it is a fake mustachio…but I do have one in real life…it comes and goes…along with my beard.

So, wanna know what I look like? Well, I’m a bear. In gay terms, that means I am a hairy, husky man beast with exceptional style and the ability to grow facial hair in the same time it takes to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Check me out, Tumblr…

Yes, I have a mustache (and a beard…usually). Yes, I love mustaches. And, yes…I am single. So ask me out already! 

Cheers!